This is a list of things that all nurses believe or have been witness to. It takes a certain level of detached-ness to be a nurse, read on and be horrified:
- The front of your scrubs reads 'Nurses: here to save your ass, not kiss it!'
- You occasionally park in the space with the physicians only sign, and knock it over.
- You believe some patients are alive only because its illegal to kill them.
- You recognize that you can't cure stupid.
- You own at least three pens with the names of prescription medications on them.
- You believe there's a special place in hell for the inventor of the call light.
- You believe that saying ' it can't get any worse' causes it to get worse just to show you it can.
- You wash your hands BEFORE you go to the bathroom.
- You believe that any job where you can drive to work in your pajamas is a cool one.
- You consider a tongue depressor an eating utensil.
- Eating microwave popcorn out of a clean bedpan is perfectly natural.
- You've been exposed to so many x-rays that you consider it a form of birth control.
- You've ever heard a patient with a nose ring, a brow ring, and twelve earrings say ' I'm afraid of shots.'
- You've ever placed a bet on some one's blood alcohol level.
- You've told a confused patient that your name is that of a coworker and to call if they need help.
- Your bladder can expand to the size of a Winnebago's water tank.
- You have seen more penises than any prostitute could dream of.
- You believe that not all patients are annoying, some are unconscious.
- Your family and friends refuse to watch medical sitcoms with you because you spend the whole time correcting everyone and pointing out upside down x-rays.
- You don't get excited about blood, unless it's your own.
- You've sworn to have 'Do not resuscitate' tattooed on your chest. SOON.
- Discussing dismemberment over a gourmet meal is perfectly normal to you.
- Your idea of fine dining is anywhere you can eat.
- Your idea of a good time is a cardiac arrest at shift change.
- You believe in the aerial spraying of Xanax.
- You believe that 'shallow gene pool' should be a recognized diagnosis.
- You believe that the government should require permits to reproduce.
- You believe that unspeakable evils will befall anyone who utters the phrase, 'wow, it's really quiet, isn't it?'
- You have ever had a patient look you straight in the eye and say 'I have no idea how that got stuck in there'
- You have ever had to leave a patient's room before you begin to laugh uncontrollably.
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